in this california king bed.

this week has been somewhat of a roller coaster but i am officially DONE DONE DONEZO with 2011 semester 1's assessments! :)))

i wrapped it up with a biochemistry lab practical this afternoon, which honestly, is not that intimidating as i thought it would be.

much thanks goes to chloe, siti, valerie and mel for calming me down when i have a hundred basic questions to ask and reassuring me that i can do it as well as repeating the procedures over and over again to me :)

i can't say the same for this girl in front of me though, she fucked up three times and told paul, flat out: "paul, i'm having a nervous breakdown."

and he just sighed at her, out of annoyance hahaha.

such a bitch, that guy.

anyway cousin amy just showed me a photo that little cousin ashley (think she's turning 7 next yr) drew:

it says; brenda che che and oliver kor kor, love forever.

i was on the phone and i literally burst out in laughter when she sent it to me hahahahaha.

my cousins are too bloody cute for words ok and she even added a baby on my head (obviously anatomically incorrect and impossible)!

can i just add that when oliver was in kl, the little ones absolutely loved him to bits.

they smothered him with attention although there was a lot of screaming and jumping on to him and he loved playing with them too, holding them upside down casually and all.

they also call him all-over.

it's raining cats and dogs now and i should probably turn on the heater so that it's toasty warm when i hop into bed later :)

but first, random photos and jibber jabber.

guess who's a permanent fixture in his car now? :)

der: take that gay shit off my mirror.

pfft.

'gay shit' is still on his mirror :)

coffee @ neds, stirling highway.

we actually have to book each other days in advance because we're all so god damn busy, just to have coffee.

gone are the days when besteh can just pop by randomly when she's bored or spontaneous nights out and bubble tea sessions :(

but besties time are always, always filled with roars of laughter, peppered with the occasional serious talk and definitely something to look forward to.

inside joke: salty ;)

the top i'm wearing is such a mission to get into, it's unbelievable -__-"

the middle bit is not stretchy/elasticky so i have to squirm and squeeze my arms and shoulders, one at a time to prevent it from ripping.

*sweats*

so after coffee, i went back to the library to study with der and grabbed dinner when it was time for.

we called and placed an order for a pick up pizza and waited in the car before he casually brought up:

"i feel like nachos."

let's just say, pick up pizza became take away and next day's breakfast because TUESDAYS ARE HALF PRICE NACHOS!!! :) :) :)

seriously, who the hell, does things like that?

place an order for pizza, fuck pizza and go for something else.

spontaneous and completely random :) ME GUSTA.

pretty daymn good mocktails because unlike other eateries, they don't try to give u diabetes in a carafe.

handsome boy :)

caught mid laughing.

my cheeks are chubby as a baby's butt.

pollo for me, carne for him :)

and that's that :)

i am so ready to pass out.

have a great week readers!

x x

talk to me til four in the morning?

(not so) late night shopping with lily.

i felt so warm with my knee highs and knitted zara top but that night wasn't as cold as usual -_-"

d&m talk with my two girlies over mojitos and dark ales.

i lurfe you two :)

and crashed at emkay's room for the night!

her mirror magically makes me look thinner and longer :D

just unlocked my twitter on a few requests.

i can't believe ppl actually read that shit hahahaha but i love you guys even more for that :)

coughstalkercough mwah!

twitter.com/brendarling

FOLLOW ME :)

"officially over."

i hung out at his table for a bit while we were waiting for the lecturer to start her post lab and this guy, a mutual friend seated next to him asked us:

"so are you guys official yet?"

i didn't know if he knew that we were already just friends hence, meaning officially over,

or that he knew we were seeing each other but without the status thing and meant officially together.

we both looked at each other, not knowing what to say.

i was at a loss for words because it was never really official for me; i was never really his girlfriend and he was never mine but we both established that what we had was exclusive, only sans formality.

we didn't even know when exactly we got together because it just sorta happened and blossomed.

while we were both okay with how things turned out, the boundaries were still very much unclear and i didn't know when i have overstepped the imaginary line (and vice versa) due to different expectations etc.

naturally, we had our fights; trivial ones and some seriously painful ones that it really threatened what we had but we pushed through :)

everyone taught we made a cute couple.

and seeing how friend's expressions changed when they casually brought up "how's things with him?" followed by an unexpected "we're just friends now :)" was a little heart wrenching.

heart wrenching because, i still don't know if it was the right thing to do,

because they believed and thought we would have lasted longer but i couldn't see it,

and because there was no proper closure.

to say it didn't hurt would be a flat out lie.

pulling back and keeping a good distance always hurts.

it's hard not to call or text him first thing in the morning, last thing at night and knowing that i'll never sleep in his arms again; it's hard.

i'm not his gorgeous girl anymore and slowly, but surely, i'll get used to him not being around as much. all in due time.

going back to the mutual friend in micro, him and i looked at each other for a brief moment before he said: "officially over, that is."

hearing him say it out loud, it didn't hurt anymore.

i guess it was just what i needed - to hear it from him and knowing that we're both coming to terms with it and trying to be friends at that.

that's all the closure i need, even though we have never talked about why (believe it or not) we are what we are now.

i don't think i have ever been this upfront about how i felt before but everyone kinda sorta knows i think?

i dunno if you are reading this but if you are, please know that i'm not expecting any acknowledgement of any sort okay :)

we had our little bubble before and i'm sure we're both glad it happened, despite the circumstances.

i'm okay with the whole thing but doubts are inevitably lingering in my mind.

but that's alright, i'll fall in love again next time.

"what's wrong?"

what's wrong?

in all honesty, when i get asked a sincere "what's wrong", it makes me wanna cry all the time whether or not something was up.

when things were wrong though, i can't remember how many times i've tried to blink back tears, stop my lips from quivering and instead just muster up a "i'm fine" or "it's all good" complete with a smile.

to make things even worse,they'd prod further and ask "are you sure?" or "i don't believe you".

inside i'm all omg omg maintain *deep breath to suck tears and mucous in wtf* just look at him/her and say yeah of course i'm fine, why wouldn't i be?

seriously guys, don't ask -__-"

it's just painful to answer EVEN THOUGH nothing is wrong.

it shouldn't be but it just is lah and i wish i knew why -__-"

this entry is NOT about anyone in particular.

we're both over it ok :)

micro pre lab now!

"what we have is a great love. it's complicated. intense. all- consuming. no matter what we do and how much we fight, it'll always pull us in. what's mere happiness in the face of all that, right?"

contendus.

contendus (adj)(latin); happy.

:)

reasons to be:

1.

i took a huge risk with my essay, worked on it for 5 hours and dropped it off at 4pm sharp.

i swear i felt so much lighter that it was as if the essay was a physical burden lifted off my shoulders.

2.

sunny days ahead albeit the stupidly cold temperatures but that's okay because i can do chilly and cold.

rain however, is a different story altogether.

which reminds me, i need a super umbrella.

3.

dimsum with them close friends, laughing over chinese tea :)

mmm yum.

4.

talking to an ex and realize how far the both of us have come :)

he is one of those ppl that i don't talk to very often but we can easily pick up from where we left off the last time.

feelings and secrets are exchanged and i can safely say, he is one of my closest friends and someone i can actually trust, wholeheartedly.

5.

i am stronger than i think i am :)

moral of the story.

i have learned that i always say things i regret when i'm pissed or angry.

you're pushing my buttons bitch.

#losing.

graph of effort vs time.

the shit that i do when i procrastinate, seriously. gad.

unfortunately, my enthusiasm plateaus at an estimated 2 or 3 days before the deadline and decreases steadily thereafter.

that kinda explains why i always get shit marks for my references because i do that last and very hastily, might i add because citation are for losers wtf.

so today is technically thursday and my essay is due tomorrow (friday) at 5pm and i am up to 113/1250 words which is a vast improvement of 4 words about 2 hours ago.

i should be worried.

but to quote cat: i am way past that point.

this semester, i have been doing assignments, essays and tutorial sheets all the fucking time and most of the deadlines are on the same day or a day apart.

it has been a rush to beat the dreaded 5pm latest submission time for all faculties and i don't even panic now when i take my time to walk from the hospital to uni at 4.30pm.

i want to worry but i just don't anymore.

with doing assignments, i compromise time, a lot of it by the way, to catch up with lectures and vice versa.

i just can't bloody win lah -__-"

i know many people who are feeling the same way though so cheers to the crazy workload in third year and/or non existent time management.

third year, pfffffffbt.

can't wait til it's over.

let's hope the piece of shit i come up with is worth it.

bleargh.

pet peeve #90

newest addition to my list of pet peeves:

whenever i wear something that shows off my rib tattoo (cut out dress/low armhole singlet) and people go "eeyerrr you just wanna show off your tattoo."

or something remotely similar.

bitch please.

OF FUCKING COURSE i wanna show off my tattoo. i love it to bits.

otherwise, why did i sit through 1.5 hours of intense pricking? for fucks ah?

the liberty of having it done on my rib, despite it being top rated as one of the most painful places to have an ink done there, is being able to choose when i want to flaunt it.

i don't have to go out of my way to have it covered unlike ppl who have tats on their wrists/shoulders/neck, they have to wear long sleeves/high collared tops when they go to work etc.

besides, the tattoo is mine, body is mine, ribs also mine and the choice to show it or not also belongs to me.

what is YOUR point?

// rant over.

flying in formation.

colors;

x

12.05.2011

greens&co @ leedy.

hot choc and cakes :)

deleted all my previous entries and made my previous blog private because i can't find the daymn delete button -__-"

here we go again, fresh start :)

more ramblings: follow me on twitter! *click!*

err might make that private at some point too but whatever!

study time.

xx